An evening stroll

There are times when one finds the company most suited to one is simple solitude - the companionship of one's own self. This evening was one of those times.

These private moments become necessary when the loud voices from without become a jarring cacophony within one's own mind. The stresses of varying aspects of one's life fight to be heard over one another. Inevitably, one loses the ability to hear one's own thoughts voiced clearly in one's own head. Alas! What does one do when the enemy threatens to take over the last remaining safe place?

One takes a walk.

A simple stroll can be so invigorating - a tonic and balm for most afflictions upon the mind and soul. At the very least, that is the thought that struck me as I set out for the library this evening. I found myself quite cheered by the sudden restructuring of my mind and I do admit it put quite a cheery spring in my step.

In fact, it was this new-found positivity that distracted me so thoroughly that when I happened to glance up at the sky, what I saw puzzled me so that I quite literally stopped walking.

Far above me were a series of small red and blue lights forming quite straight lines, and apparently hovering in mid-air. Naturally, I assumed they were attached to some form of aircraft. I could not, however, identify the nature of the machine itself owing to the fact that I could not make out even the faintest outline against the dark night sky.

A quick survey of the people around was enough to make it clear to me that either none of them had seen the strange apparition, or perchance some had noticed but did not wonder as to how it came to be there in the first place. I was disgusted. What has become of human curiosity? I asked myself. Where has the thirst for knowledge gone?

In the few seconds it took me to process all of this, I had also formulated my own ideas as to the origins of this strange object. I resumed my brisk pace and had barely taken five steps when I looked up to find that my silent suppositions had indeed been correct.

You see, from where I had been standing earlier my vision had been greatly obscured by the dense foliage of a rather tall tree. My new position offered an unencumbered view of the sky, and consequently I finally noticed the fleet of brightly lit aircrafts.

Each one had its own unique set of (what I now realised must be) LED lights set in various circular or linear patterns. Their jarring movements confirmed that they could only be model aircrafts, piloted from close-by via a remote device. I was quite certain as I had first seen these flashy playthings being flown two years before. However, at that time I had been informed by a would-be pilot that they were not altogether that common and that they could cost well over a thousand dollars. Evidently, something has greatly changed since then.

One question still remained - where were the pilots? There were no people standing about, staring intently up at the sky. And surely it would be foolish to attempt to launch or land such a device so close to busy roads. To me that left only one possibility - the small open field next to the library. As luck would have it, that was precisely the direction in which I was headed, and I stared intently into the darkness straining to make out the figures of the people I knew must be there.

My efforts were soon rewarded when a triangular craft illuminated by its own pulsing light came in slowly for an unsteady landing against a sudden gust of wind. Not far behind it stood a row of people, clearly piloting the wild assortment of objects hovering above us all.

There it was. My questions had been answered. My theories proved correct.

My curiosity was satisfied and the bright lights in the sky captivated me no longer. All my attentions were now focused on the library and the wonders it contained.

I suppose I could easily have summarised my evening adventure by saying something along the lines of, "Spotted some men flying remote control aircrafts covered it tiny lights. What a lark!"

But that would not have been fun at all.

Reflections

I just got back on Sunday from a short but altogether highly enjoyable trip to KL. Most of my time there was spent with my uncle, aunt and their two children. Their 14 year old son, Stefan, has an X-Box 360 so we played Left For Dead while the 9 year old girl, Sonia, and I played UNO in the evenings. I used to be very close to them when they were little but we drifted apart once I moved to Perth. In fact I was more than pleasantly surprised to find that we still got along as well as we did.

Some time around my third night there I had a strange revelation while playing card games with the two of them. We were sitting on the floor of Sonia's bedroom and I was wearing my Princess nightie. It suddenly struck me that I felt very much like Wendy did in the Disney 'Peter Pan' film. With the engagement ceremony of yet another relative taking place the next day, that moment felt very much like the beginning of my last night in the nursery. Not long from now I'll wake up one morning and have to "grow up".

Of course I realise how ridiculous that notion is. Neither Wade nor my friends expect me to refrain from enjoying the things I have always loved - watching cartoons, playing games...in fact I rather fancy they'd encourage me to continue with my old habits and will probably join me in the pursuit of things I love. It's just that for a moment I was overcome with the realisation that not long from now I'll be married and will probably have kids of my own while the majority of my cousins will still be kids themselves.

Thankfully this anxiety was short lived and overwhelmed by the fact that I'm actually looking forward to all the changes to my life. How could I not when my life partner is my best friend and the one person I always enjoy being around :) Truth is, I'm blessed and I don't regret my life choices one bit.

During my time there my uncle and aunt organised for us to go on a day trip to Ipoh to visit my great-uncle and great-aunt (my gramma's brother and his wife). We left around 7 in the morning, aiming to arrive in Ipoh around 9:30. I'd seriously forgotten just how beautiful the views were outside the city.

The grassed peaks stretched out for miles on either side of the highway; each one farther away than the last, the pattern continuing until everything faded to white under a combination of mist and haze. It was a sight so tranquil and reassuringly constant. Sleeping giants looking out over the constantly changing city in the valley below. And then out of nowhere we lost almost all visibility. We hit a wall of mist, a downy covering so dense we could only just make out the vegetation closest to the road.

We were surrounded by a grey blanket broken only by the occasional sunbeam cutting through in distinct shafts of light. As for the sun itself, well, the great ball of fire hung like a pale full moon behind the mist. It was nothing but a white ball, it's glow overpowered by the unrelenting mass of mist. I was quite simply left in awe of the majesty of nature. In that moment I was reminded of my mortality; of how small and insigficant my concerns are in comparison to the wider world.

Obstructing as the mist was, it only heightened the reverence that always fills me when travelling through Malaysia. But then the temperature began to rise gradually and from time to time the sun overcame the mist to cast its full light on our surroundings. Even though only momentary, these lapses out of the dreamy mist felt like I was being forced out of the comforting embrace of bed and blankets.

It was unsettling enough that when we were again engulfed by mist (this time even denser) I found my heart catching in my throat. This was my slice of heaven, my almost quite literal place among the clouds. It was a serenity broken only by the jarring laughter of the radio presenter. At this point I realised that I had been lost in thought and taking notes for almost an hour and that my book lay quite forgotten and, neglected, growing warm upon my lap. In spite of this I simply couldn't tear myself away from the beauty of my surroundings.

Finally I gave in and allowed my mind to get lost in reflection for the remainder of the journey. If I'd thought the journey there made me contemplate my mortality, I was in for a right shock when I got to my relatives' place. My great-aunt has lost so much weight from her illness that she looks like her neck can hardly support the weight of her head. It was...a little too much for me to come to terms with at the time.

I remember staying in that house with all the family over the holidays as a kid. My aunty Salome used to carry me in her arms and sing to me to get me to eat. The song I always think of is "Let's Go to the Zoo", an old ad campaign in Malaysia for the KFC outlet they used to have at the Zoo. The thought that this woman, one of the most beautiful ladies I have ever known, is now reduced to a wrinkled creature is more than I can bear to think of. God willing she'll be able to attend my wedding but goodness knows how she'll be then.

To top it off, we took a drive to the nearby cemetary where my great-grandmother's ashes are buried at the foot of her husband's grave. Her mother is also buried there. It meant a lot to be able to pay my respect to her again. I miss her so much even if it has been 8 years since she passed. I really have very little recollection of the lunch that followed or of the conversations that took place. All I remember is listening to my music in the car on the way home and hiding behind my sunglasses hoping no one would notice I was distracted.

It still weighs heavily on my heart that there are so many people I love and cherish that will not be around for so many of my special moments. So many people who helped me get to where I am in life who will never get to share in the joys of the family. Well, I've had my emo moment so I'll leave it there for now. Might go into detail of the rest of the trip later on but so far these are moments that stood out to me. These are the people that matter to me and I'll never forget or let my children forget how wonderful they will always be, even if it's only in my memory.

Salamat datang ke Singapura

I've been in Singapore roughly 24 hours and already I'm missing Perth a little...well, mostly just the people I left behind :) I'd hardly gotten off the escalator at the Perth airport when I heard someone calling my name. When I turned around it was Christy, Alisha and Rowan so of course I burst into tears. Basically we had about an hour of conversation before I had to go through to immigration and it was one of the hardest goodbyes I've had to do. The fact that Alisha was crying too only made it worse and I couldn't stop until I'd gotten to the immigration counter. I'm surprised they didn't have to pry my arms off Wade. Not knowing when I'll be back is making me miss him all the more but I'm keeping busy and enjoying my time here.

Anyway, it was pretty much smooth sailing from there and everything happened really fast. Went through customs (had to take my shoes off because they set the metal detector off), walked to my gate and got there in time to hear the last call for boarding as I was saying a last minute goodbye to Wade on my phone.

I joined the queue, was on the plane pretty damn quickly and I hardly had time to put on my seat-belt when the pilot asked everyone to prepare for take-off. Five hours passed quickly as I ate, watched Shrek, TAYG and later School of Comedy. Turns out we were at least 30 minutes early in landing because of good tail-winds. Keeping in theme with the rest of the day, I got off the plane and through Singapore immigration within 15 minutes. Waited like hell for my bags but then got out and then the anti-climax hit - I was stuck waiting for my dad with no way to contact him.

Amazingly, a couple of drivers waiting for Aussie businessmen let me use their work phone to call my dad. I think they said that if a Singaporean couldn't get help at home, where would the world be :) The next thing I knew I was in my dad's cab and on my way home.

Since then I've unpacked all my shtuff at my grandma's place and made a lot of visa related phone calls and such. I am loving being back with my grandmother who eats, sleeps and wakes up at the same time as me and whose cooking is bloody amazing. I'm sleeping in the double bed I often slept in while I was growing up and that my mom's sisters slept in.

My gramma's house is like the land where time stands still. There are clothes in the drawers belonging to mom, her sisters and myself from as early as the 1980s. I just love that it's familiar, safe and comforting. I am quite looking forward to spending more time chatting with her and playing Scrabble.

Apart from that, nothing out of the ordinary has happened today and I'm adjusting surprisingly well to the climate. It may be humid but it's actually quite cool and raining heavily in the afternoons. Gosh darn it the thunder today made me jump half outta my skin. I really have missed the monsoonal storms. I'm finding it comfortable even without a fan on and I'm hardly perspiring at all.

Anyways, I'll be online most days and I'll be keeping the updates coming as more happens. (More than an afternoon shower and me losing at cards, that is.) Until then, you have my love guys! ^_^

Groundhog Day

Many of us are familiar with the system of repeating certain prayers that is carried out in many churches. I remember being made to learn the ‘Hail Mary,’ the Lord’s Prayer and Apostles’ Creed as a child in catechism, yet I don’t recall us ever being told to pray in our own words. Oh, better yet, there was once we were asked to write on a small card a prayer about what was current to us at that point in time. We were then advised to say that prayer every night before we went to bed. Hm. Kinda defeats the purpose of praying. So it is that many Christians are stuck in a sort of ‘groundhog day’ (like in the movie) where they repeatedly go through the motions of memorised prayers such that the meaning behind them is lost.

I’ll start with what we call the ‘Hail Mary’. In Luke 1, a pregnant Mary visits her cousin Elisabeth who at the time was pregnant with a child who would grow to become John the Baptist. The specific verses in question are found in Lk 1:41-48, where Elisabeth makes a declaration when she the revelation hits her that Mary is pregnant with the saviour of the world. What millions of believers have often repeated over time is actually Elisabeth blessing Mary and the unborn Jesus, and Mary’s gratitude that she was the one chosen to bear God’s son. So where is the relevance today of us repeating ‘hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with you?’ One could argue that the real prayer is in the second half, ‘Holy Mary, mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.’

Mary is ultimately another human being. Yes I honour her for bearing Christ and for being an amazing role model in her faith. However I refuse to pray to her or to acknowledge her as intercessor. Jesus Himself says in John 14:6 :

"I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Straight away Jesus cuts out the middle man. That is the very reason he was born! So forget repeating the ‘Hail Mary.’ Friends, that’s not going to get you anywhere.

Similarly we tend to say the Lord’s Prayer without ever even considering the context it was written in. In Matthew 6:5-13, Jesus teaches the multitudes how to pray. It is then that he gives them what we call the Lord’s Prayer. Often we are familiar with only these verses:

'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”

This is only from the second half of verse 9. The first half of verse 9 says “This, then, is how you should pray.” It doesn’t say anything about following his prayer word for word. Yet again, another one of Man’s misinterpretations. The earlier verses (in the NKJV) pretty much say:

“And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly. And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.
Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him."

I think they speak for themselves but I want to point out that Jesus advises against the use of repetitions for the sake of it. Repeating a prayer for the sake of looking righteous is as bad as not praying at all. How can one be praying if one’s heart isn’t in it? My little bit for today is just to say, have your heart right when you pray and don’t repeat your prayers just so you have something to say to look good in front of others.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with praying for the same thing over and over again. Sometimes you have to in order to get a breakthrough. However, whatever it is you are praying, mean it with all your heart. Don’t allow your words to be ‘vain repetitions’ without any passion behind them. There’s so much more to be said about the Lord’s Prayer but I’ll save that for tomorrow. In the meantime, let’s focus on getting our hearts into what we pray.

Non c'è nessuno

God is amazing and there is no other like Him. This past week has been one of restoration for me spiritually. I feel physically and mentally stronger now and I'm better prepared to face my upcoming exams. As Christians we tend to underestimate the power of obedience when we really should see it for what it is. For the past 6-7 weeks I've been struggling under the strain of various ailments on top of my workload in school. I was literally beginning to let it weigh me down and I was extremely cranky and bitchy (believe me, that's the most accurate description there is). I have been coping with disappointment in a terrible way and I'd lost my usual positive outlook on life and people. I was in need of prayer and despite bring promted by God numerous times to get prayed over, I kept putting it off with the excuse that I had to serve. Last Sunday God reminded me that I can't serve others when I myself am weak so I went down to the front and got prayed over by one of the leaders and it was my moment of breakthrough. I only wish I'd done it sooner. Perhaps God had a plan in that as well.

"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commandments in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity."
Proverbs 3:1-2

Here's a little quickie on obedience - it's not about you. The reality of it is that our choices today affect our future generations; children, grandchildren etc. More than that, our choices today affect the people around us. Imagine that you felt convicted of something you were doing wrong in your life but chose to go with what you felt was comfortable rather than what God told you was right. Imagine that your friends missed out of salvation, got turned off Christianity and God because of your bad choice. Imagine that because of one selfish, short-term choice you lost what God had intended for you and you fell away from Him, never to return. Is it worth it? I'm asking myself that very question. I feel covicted of some choices that I've been making of late but it is up to me to make the change. The last thing I want is to carry the burden of lost salvations because of something I chose to do. Friends, it's not about us. Sadly, it is our loved ones who suffer the consequences of our actions the most. All I can do is re-evaluate myself and try my best to keep to Jesus' teachings and to the Word. I want to be blessed and more than that I want to be a blessing.

Gloria in excélsis Deo

For someone who has violently opposed many of the practices and teachings of the Catholic Church, I find myself drawn to Gregorian chants more than I am to even normal worship music. I can’t describe in words how Salve Sanctus Parens lifts my spirit or how Veni Sancte Spiritus moves me to tears. There is a deep connection to God that comes through so clearly in the music. It makes me want to simply fall to my knees in worship. There is far more depth and meaning in it than could ever be explained.

I now see what my dad meant when he said that he wished the Mass was still conducted in Latin. There is power and intensity in the words of the Bible sung in Latin that cannot be matched by the watered-down, modernised English ones Catholics sing today to more complex music. I’ll just use a very well known doxology in the order of the Catholic Mass as an example – “Gloria in Excelsis Deo”.

Gloria in excélsis Deo
Et in terra pax homínibus bonæ voluntátis.
Laudámus te.
Benedícimus te.
Adorámus te.
Glorificámus te.
Grátias ágimus tibi propter magnam glóriam tuam,
Dómine Deus, Rex cæléstis, Deus Pater omnípotens.
Dómine Fili unigénite, Jesu Christe.
Dómine Deus, Agnus Dei, Fílius Patris.
Qui tollis peccáta mundi, miserére nobis.
Qui tollis peccáta mundi, súscipe deprecatiónem nostram.
Qui sedes ad déxteram Patris, miserére nobis.
Quóniam tu solus Sanctus.
Tu solus Dóminus,
Tu solus Altíssimus, Jesu Christe,
Cum Sancto Spíritu in glória Dei Patris. Amen.

This has now been translated and shortened further into what is a much simpler version which is sung in churches all over the world. It seems that to the average churchgoer the roots of the songs and prayers they say every Sunday are long forgotten. Not only does the Latin version sound much richer, it probably contains far more in its meaning that this-

Glory to God in the Highest
And peace to His people on earth.
Lord God, heavenly King, Almighty God and Father;
We worship you, we give you thanks,
We praise you for your glory.
Lord Jesus Christ, Only Son of the Father.
Lord God, Lamb of God
You take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us;
You are seated at the right hand of the Father, receive our prayer.
For You alone are the Holy One,
You alone are the Lord,
You alone are the Most High Jesus Christ,
With the Holy Spirit in the Glory of God the Father. Amen.

I am sorry to say that if the church thought that by modernising things they could make this songs sound more appealing, they have failed miserably. I still remember singing this in church in a sombre atmosphere as though I was mourning the death of a distant, unknown person instead of celebrating my living God and Saviour. Isn’t that the whole point of the Gloria? Here is a beautiful song written to praise Jesus and today we sing it with such a lack of fervour that it loses its meaning. So what if the Gregorian chants were monotonous? They still carry far more passion than the modern songs. I’m not saying that Catholics should revert to the chants of old; I am simply saying that if they want to change things, they need to maintain and convey the same passion for their faith.

I could go on for days questioning what has become of the passion for Christ and salvation that the Antioch church had. All I can do now is challenge everyone who is a believer to act on their faith. I don’t care if all you have is the equivalent to a Gregorian chant. Even if you think you’re not as eloquent as someone else or you’re not as mature a Christian as everyone else you know, do what you can. Use what you have and put all the passion you can into it.

Jesus Himself told us what the greatest commandments are for us as believers – whether you wish to call yourself a Catholic or Christian or whatever else.

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these." Mk 12:29-30

We are called to love our Lord with ALL we have. Being a believer is not about a half-hearted faith where we are lukewarm. It’s about being on fire for God – full of passion. More than that, we are called to love people. If we love our friends, would we not want to see them in heaven with us in eternity? Why then do we hesitate to share what is the best thing we have in our lives? I myself am guilty of not taking opportunities to share the Gospel. Why don’t we all start today – right this instant. It’s time that our passion for Christ was made public – let it shine and don’t keep it hidden in your heart. There is no such thing as a passive believer, only a lazy one.

Essays Don't Write Themselves

3:36 a.m. – I just got to my computer after 5 hours of sleep. Let’s hope I can get this essay done in time to get an hour or so more.

5:33 a.m. – No such luck. Been at it for ages and I still have 300 words to go. I’m on my last paragraph but I’m tired already. I want my bed!!!

6:21a.m. - I’m finally writing my conclusion. Ever notice how it takes hardly any time at all to write the middle bits? It seems it’s hardest to get started and to finish a long essay. 1526 words so far and I’m only allowed a max of 74 more. I think that should be plenty for my conclusion.

6:28a.m. – Almost done.

6:29 a.m. – Finished and all in 1581 words. Just below the word limit of 1600. All that’s left to do now is print out the darn thing. Wouldn’t you know it? I lost my 30-minute nap time that I’d planned. On the bright side, I’m well and truly ready to face school today. (Except perhaps for that human biology test that I didn’t manage to revise for.) Oh well, I’ll make do with what I can. I’ll have to cram during my free period, recess and lunch. I’ll report on my day later this evening. By the way, please spare the nagging. I know I should have studied for the biology test. I’m not that thick. I’ve been tied up with other assignments and assessments. Oooh maths test first period today. Good luck to me.