Miss Independent
Ever since I came to Perth and even before that I’ve always tried to be as independent as possible. There’s nothing wrong with that but I realise that I’ve put on too much of a front. I act strong and people see me that way. The truth is I want to be looked after and mothered. So what if I’m 18? I don’t really want to grow up. To all my friends, I apologise if I seem like I don’t need you. The truth is I need you guys a lot and everything you’ve done for me over the time we’ve known each other has been greatly appreciated. If I’ve ever made you feel redundant (in my life at least) the truth is I act out of my own insecurity. I’m afraid to show weakness, and accepting help for something I can easily do myself makes me feel weak. I think I’ll boil it down to one problem – pride. Surprise, surprise – not. I’ll start eating humble pie right now. I’m not infallible and I need all the help I can get. It’s about time I start letting people look after me when they want to.
I’ve been refusing to ask my grandmother to pick me up and give me lifts to school because I felt like I would be inconveniencing her. More than that, I felt that if I did that I’d be proving myself incapable of making my own way to school. Today I got caught in the rain on my way to school and my poor grandmother was heart-broken. For my sake as much as for the peace of mind of my family, I’ve agreed to let her pick me up from home every morning. It actually feels good to know that I won’t ever be late for school. Her picking me up gives me an extra 20 minutes for breakfast or a bit of a lie-in. I’m extremely grateful for my grandmother and rather than refusing her (which would really be an insult to her) I’ve agreed to the lifts.
Time for a more direct apology – to Michael and Rie, I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like I don’t need you. The fact is I do need you both so very much. It took a bit of effort to let Rie cover for me in church on Friday night but I did it; partly because I was feeling really ill and partly because I realised I couldn’t do it. I’d pushed myself too far and I was exhausted. Quite a few times these past weeks I’ve just wanted to sit on my mommy’s lap and cry. You guys have been there for me through all that and I don’t know what I’d do without you and all my other friends. Never judge a book by its cover folks. I may seem totally happy but I’m terribly homesick. I’m going through a transition and it’s scaring the heck out of me. I can’t go back to the past and the only way to go is forward, but I’m scared. I don’t have it all together and I’m not quite as confidant as I may seem. I’m just taking one day at a time and trying to keep myself on track.
Thinking about having fellowship and good friends reminds me of a Bible story. Mark 2: 1-12 recounts the story of a paralysed man being healed by Jesus. Basically this man’s friends wanted to bring him to Jesus to be healed but the building where He was preaching was extremely crowded. Undeterred the four men placed their friend on a soft bed and lowered him down into the building through a hole in the roof which they made. What I found interesting is that the Bible doesn’t say that Jesus saw the faith of the paralysed man.
When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven.
Mark 2:5
Jesus saw the faith of the man’s four friends and then healed him. How important is it then for us to have the right friends and to be humble enough to allow them to help us when we need it?
Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
Proverbs 9:8-9
I’m learning to listen to the counsel of my friends and family. They love me and want the best for me. Of course I mustn’t abandon my own judgement but it’s time to accept that I can’t always take care of myself and I don’t always know what’s best for me. I stand convicted and I’m grateful I have people in my life who care about me enough to want to help me. I love you guys and I can’t thank you all enough. So begins another chapter of revelations…
I’ve been refusing to ask my grandmother to pick me up and give me lifts to school because I felt like I would be inconveniencing her. More than that, I felt that if I did that I’d be proving myself incapable of making my own way to school. Today I got caught in the rain on my way to school and my poor grandmother was heart-broken. For my sake as much as for the peace of mind of my family, I’ve agreed to let her pick me up from home every morning. It actually feels good to know that I won’t ever be late for school. Her picking me up gives me an extra 20 minutes for breakfast or a bit of a lie-in. I’m extremely grateful for my grandmother and rather than refusing her (which would really be an insult to her) I’ve agreed to the lifts.
Time for a more direct apology – to Michael and Rie, I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you feel like I don’t need you. The fact is I do need you both so very much. It took a bit of effort to let Rie cover for me in church on Friday night but I did it; partly because I was feeling really ill and partly because I realised I couldn’t do it. I’d pushed myself too far and I was exhausted. Quite a few times these past weeks I’ve just wanted to sit on my mommy’s lap and cry. You guys have been there for me through all that and I don’t know what I’d do without you and all my other friends. Never judge a book by its cover folks. I may seem totally happy but I’m terribly homesick. I’m going through a transition and it’s scaring the heck out of me. I can’t go back to the past and the only way to go is forward, but I’m scared. I don’t have it all together and I’m not quite as confidant as I may seem. I’m just taking one day at a time and trying to keep myself on track.
Thinking about having fellowship and good friends reminds me of a Bible story. Mark 2: 1-12 recounts the story of a paralysed man being healed by Jesus. Basically this man’s friends wanted to bring him to Jesus to be healed but the building where He was preaching was extremely crowded. Undeterred the four men placed their friend on a soft bed and lowered him down into the building through a hole in the roof which they made. What I found interesting is that the Bible doesn’t say that Jesus saw the faith of the paralysed man.
When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven.
Mark 2:5
Jesus saw the faith of the man’s four friends and then healed him. How important is it then for us to have the right friends and to be humble enough to allow them to help us when we need it?
Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.
Proverbs 9:8-9
I’m learning to listen to the counsel of my friends and family. They love me and want the best for me. Of course I mustn’t abandon my own judgement but it’s time to accept that I can’t always take care of myself and I don’t always know what’s best for me. I stand convicted and I’m grateful I have people in my life who care about me enough to want to help me. I love you guys and I can’t thank you all enough. So begins another chapter of revelations…
posted by Maz | Tuesday, August 22, 2006
1 Comments:
Despite all my powers of persuasion, you honestly had me fooled. Another score for the highly-decorated actress. :P
Your confident appearance was making me feel lacking. I often forget that other people aren't perfect. I suppose it's all about keeping a balance between respecting others and yourself.
I think your independantness keeps you considerate and respectful of others. You're always looking out for people and it's a commendable quality. I think you should just think about yourself once in a while though.
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